✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee on Eligible Items
✔ Prices Displayed in Your Local Currency
✔ Final Price = No Surprise Import Fees
✔ Complimentary Insured Worldwide Shipping on Qualifying Orders
✔ Select Collector & Specialty Pieces May Require Secured Delivery Handling
by Paul Curtis (Author), Max Scratchmann (Author), Max Scratchmann (Illustrator)
Packed full of funny Christmas poems, parodies and nonsense verse by contemporary UK poets Max Scratchmann, Paul Curtis and Patrick Winstanley, The Peculiar Poetry Collection of Funny Christmas Verse distills the true spirit of Christmas - comic, misanthropic, dyspeptic, or sometimes just sick. The collection is presented chronologically, taking the reader in seven easy leaps from the eager anticipation of Christmas, through the fun and festivities, to the bitter aftertaste. Meet Pip, the ineffably jolly penguin who gets on everyone's tits, revel in the feminist retelling of the story of The Three Wise Men and discover the feminine hygiene product set to be a Christmas sensation. Oddly compelling and compellingly odd, you'll enjoy a roller coaster ride through the festive peaks - drinking, feasting and flirtation - and troughs - hangovers, religion and relations - in an anthology overflowing with Christmas good cheer. Perfect as a present for a hard to please relative (any relative ), a secret Santa gift for a colleague, or a small indulgence for oneself, The Peculiar Poetry Collection of Funny Christmas Verse is ribald, riotous and on occasion very rude.
Author Biography
Paul Curtis Author, essayist and poet, Paul's humorous and romantic poetry has been published in such august literary organs as Decanto, Earth Love and Green Queen. Paul is indisputably Peculiar Poetry's Christmas expert, having published The Christmas Companion, a book about the history and origins of the festive season, which includes a twenty thousand word adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol in verse form. Patrick Winstanley Having worked variously as a doctor, museum curator and local government officer, Patrick is currently masquerading and an Internet Marketing guru. He is the owner, editor and webmaster of Peculiar Poetry and, as an occasional poet, he enjoys the metrical challenge of shoehorning very long words into very short poems. Max Scratchmann Max Scratchmann is a balding British illustrator who writes copious amounts of comic verse in a desperate effort to appear hip and cool. He is also the author of Bodice Rippers & Carnie Strippers, a highly salacious collection of rude poetry; Chucking It All, a misanthropic tale of downshifting on a godforsaken Scottish island; and The Last Burrah Sahibs, a warm and funny personal account of growing up in India in the late 1960s.
- In stock, ready to ship
- ✔ Authenticity Guaranteed — Verified Designer Goods
- ✔ Sourced from Authorized European/U.S. Luxury Distributors
- ✔ Secure Checkout — SSL Encrypted Payments
- ✔ Fast Global Delivery — 3–11 Business Days
- ✔ Easy Returns on Eligible Items
- ✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee — Full Refund if Not Satisfied
AUTHENTICITY GUARANTEED
Reserved for you — complete your purchase to secure this piece.
OFFICIALLY AUTHORIZED RESELLER
Discover Officially Authorized Authentic Items at STORE7994.com - Certificates Available on Request!
Independently verified for store quality and customer safety.
Trust score: 91/100
All designer items offered by STORE 7994 are sourced from trusted luxury distributors and verified through independent authentication services.
Learn how STORE 7994 authenticates luxury items
Guaranteed Authentic — Includes Brand Documentation & Third-Party Verification Options.
Shipping information
- Free Shipping* on all orders over $300 USD to most countries* Estimated delivery: 2-5 business days Mon-Sat to U.S., CA, EU etc.
- Tracking available: DHL Express
- Store 7994 Shipping policy
- Global delivery in 3–9 business days (location dependent).
- Free Worldwide Shipping $300+. International duties & VAT are calculated by destination country and may be collected upon delivery. UK orders are subject to 20% import VAT upon delivery.

Our innovation isn’t just in the brands we carry — it’s in the way we connect them. From our automation engine that keeps collections globally updated to our commitment to authenticity-first presentation, STORE 7994 exists where timeless design meets modern precision.
Every product we offer is:
Elevated · Intentional · Exclusive · Authentic
STORE 7994 is an authorized reseller of luxury fashion houses. Certificates and proof of authenticity are available to brand owners and partners upon request.
Returns & Refunds
We want you to shop with confidence at STORE 7994. If your purchase does not meet expectations, eligible items may be returned under the conditions below.
Return Eligibility
Items must be unused, unworn, and in original condition with all tags, packaging, and accessories included. Items showing any signs of wear or damage will not be accepted.
Return Window
Return requests must be made within 14 days of delivery.
Return Shipping
Customers are responsible for return shipping costs unless the item is defective, damaged, or incorrect.
Luxury Items
Items valued over $1,000 may be subject to a 7% restocking fee upon approved return.
Non-Returnable Items
For hygiene and product integrity reasons, the following items are final sale once opened or used:
• Underwear
• Fragrances
• Any worn or used items
Made-to-Order Items
Custom-designed products, including STORE 7994 hoodies, are made exclusively for each customer and are final sale. These items are not eligible for return or exchange unless defective or incorrect.
If you receive a defective or incorrect item, please contact us and we will make it right.
International Shipping & Duties
Many of our products ship directly from trusted international partners. Any applicable customs duties or import taxes are calculated at checkout and are non-refundable, even if the item is returned.
Returns & Associated Fees
All approved returns are subject to a $24 return processing fee. For international orders, duties, taxes, and return fees will be deducted from the original payment.
Shipping Policy
Complimentary shipping is offered on orders over $300. Orders below this threshold are subject to standard shipping rates at checkout.