>
✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee on Eligible Items
✔ Prices Displayed in Your Local Currency
✔ Final Price = No Surprise Import Fees
✔ Complimentary Insured Worldwide Shipping on Qualifying Orders
✔ Select Collector & Specialty Pieces May Require Secured Delivery Handling
by Dan Patrick (Author), Joel H. Cohen (Author)
Celebrated sports commentator Dan Patrick and comedy writer Joel H. Cohen team up with some of America's greatest* comedy writers to tell you everything and nothing about America's sport!**
*"greatest" is actually just a bad type-o for "mediocre"**No, not darts, we mean pro football. (book on professional darts coming never) Did you know . . . Tom Brady is a very good quarterback. (True, but only according to statistics and accomplishments.) The formation of the NFL took place in an auto dealership. The founders started an institution and also were convinced to buy rust-proofing for it. (Half true.) The Carolina Panthers originated as a book club but turned to football when they couldn't agree on which John Grisham novel to read. (Maybe true. Research isn't our thing.) The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football is a love letter to America's favorite game, full of highlights, history, great plays and players, scandals, Super Bowls, and a series of lies, idiotic theories, baseless conspiracies, a diet that may kill you and, of course, a poorly-written haiku. The book takes the credibility Dan Patrick has built up over a stellar broadcast career (ESPN, NBC Sports, something called "Peacock") and risks it all with these falsehoods, half-truths, and even some quarter-truths. This parade of inanity is co-written by Joel H. Cohen (3 Emmys, several cavities due to poor flossing) and includes contributions from certifiably hilarious people, such as:
- Andy Richter (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
- Brian Kelley (The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live)
- Chuck Tatham (Modern Family, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother)
- Mike Price (The Simpsons, F is for Family)
- Donick Cary (Silicon Valley, New Girl)
- Christine Nangle (Inside Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live)
- Broti Gupta (The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Simpsons)
- Rob Cohen (Saturday Night Live, Big Bang Theory)
Illustrated in two colors (black and white are colors, right?) The Occasionally Accurate Annals of Football informs (a little), entertains (a lot), and is the perfect gift to taunt the Jets fans in your life.
Author Biography
Joel H. Cohen was born and raised in Calgary, Canada. In addition to writing several films, two books, and complaints to newspapers about inaccurate horoscopes, he's been a writer/producer on The Simpsons for the last 21 years. Joel has won three Emmy Awards, three Writers Guild Awards, and, one time, a glass donkey in a game of bingo.
Dan Patrick is a Hall-of-Fame sports broadcaster and host of The Dan Patrick Show (1M+ listeners, 371 affiliates), a veteran of ESPN, NBC Sports, and the three-time host of the Olympics.- ✔ Authenticity Guaranteed — Verified Designer Goods
- ✔ Sourced from Authorized European/U.S. Luxury Distributors
- ✔ Secure Checkout — SSL Encrypted Payments
- ✔ Fast Global Delivery — 3–11 Business Days
- ✔ Easy Returns on Eligible Items
- ✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee — Full Refund if Not Satisfied
AUTHENTICITY GUARANTEED
Reserved for you — complete your purchase to secure this piece.
OFFICIALLY AUTHORIZED RESELLER
Discover Officially Authorized Authentic Items at STORE7994.com - Certificates Available on Request!
Independently verified for store quality and customer safety.
Trust score: 91/100
All designer items offered by STORE 7994 are sourced from trusted luxury distributors and verified through independent authentication services.
Learn how STORE 7994 authenticates luxury items
Guaranteed Authentic — Includes Brand Documentation & Third-Party Verification Options.
Shipping information
- Free Shipping* on all orders over $300 USD to most countries* Estimated delivery: 2-5 business days Mon-Sat to U.S., CA, EU etc.
- Tracking available: DHL Express
- Store 7994 Shipping policy
- Global delivery in 3–9 business days (location dependent).
- Free Worldwide Shipping $300+. International duties & VAT are calculated by destination country and may be collected upon delivery. UK orders are subject to 20% import VAT upon delivery.
Our innovation isn’t just in the brands we carry — it’s in the way we connect them. From our automation engine that keeps collections globally updated to our commitment to authenticity-first presentation, STORE 7994 exists where timeless design meets modern precision.
Every product we offer is:
Elevated · Intentional · Exclusive · Authentic
STORE 7994 is an authorized reseller of luxury fashion houses. Certificates and proof of authenticity are available to brand owners and partners upon request.
Returns & Refunds
We want you to shop with confidence at STORE 7994. If your purchase does not meet expectations, eligible items may be returned under the conditions below.
Return Eligibility
Items must be unused, unworn, and in original condition with all tags, packaging, and accessories included. Items showing any signs of wear or damage will not be accepted.
Return Window
Return requests must be made within 14 days of delivery.
Return Shipping
Customers are responsible for return shipping costs unless the item is defective, damaged, or incorrect.
Luxury Items
Items valued over $1,000 may be subject to a 7% restocking fee upon approved return.
Non-Returnable Items
For hygiene and product integrity reasons, the following items are final sale once opened or used:
• Underwear
• Fragrances
• Any worn or used items
Made-to-Order Items
Custom-designed products, including STORE 7994 hoodies, are made exclusively for each customer and are final sale. These items are not eligible for return or exchange unless defective or incorrect.
If you receive a defective or incorrect item, please contact us and we will make it right.
International Shipping & Duties
Many of our products ship directly from trusted international partners. Any applicable customs duties or import taxes are calculated at checkout and are non-refundable, even if the item is returned.
Returns & Associated Fees
All approved returns are subject to a $24 return processing fee. For international orders, duties, taxes, and return fees will be deducted from the original payment.
Shipping Policy
Complimentary shipping is offered on orders over $300. Orders below this threshold are subject to standard shipping rates at checkout.
