>
✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee on Eligible Items
✔ Prices Displayed in Your Local Currency
✔ Final Price = No Surprise Import Fees
✔ Complimentary Insured Worldwide Shipping on Qualifying Orders
✔ Select Collector & Specialty Pieces May Require Secured Delivery Handling
by Jeff Novotny (Author), Makoto Okada (Illustrator)
Stan is the man. A man with a van. And in that van he collects the objects of his desire - children from the local playground, conveniently left unattended. Now he has his eye on little Kaysen, a sassy young thing he spies from the bushes. And he has a whole pharmacy full of "candy" to close the deal. But Kaysen is smart and cautious - does he take the bait? Hint: Yes! And off they go on their playdate, as Stan tries to win Kaysen over with tempting pharmaceutical treats. And of course he needs Kaysen's help finding his lost cat, which may or may not exist. Meanwhile, the local pool cleaning guy is making the rounds with the single mothers in town.
But it turns out that Stan isn't quite who we expect, and that his activities may even have a higher purpose. And he may even have...daddy issues? Since the van has no windows, we won't find out exactly what goes on inside, but we'll learn a valuable lesson about talking to strangers for fun and profit. And of course, don't believe everyone who claims to be a doctor.
The product of a clearly twisted sense of humor - if you can imagine Dr. Seuss meets Robot Chicken meets South Park - this book skewers political correctness, trendy children's names, community colleges, luxury apartment complexes, and frustrated hipster parents who can't quite "perform" like they used to. Astute readers will enjoy the many references to popular culture, including children's and adult literature. More cerebral and sophisticated than a typical parody book, the writing consists of childlike verse punctuated by snarky cutaway-style footnotes which provide commentary and backstory. There are also subtle but revealing connections between parts of the book, as well as a rather unexpected ending which ties it all together.
- In stock, ready to ship
- ✔ Authenticity Guaranteed — Verified Designer Goods
- ✔ Sourced from Authorized European/U.S. Luxury Distributors
- ✔ Secure Checkout — SSL Encrypted Payments
- ✔ Fast Global Delivery — 3–11 Business Days
- ✔ Easy Returns on Eligible Items
- ✔ 100% Money-Back Guarantee — Full Refund if Not Satisfied
AUTHENTICITY GUARANTEED
Reserved for you — complete your purchase to secure this piece.
OFFICIALLY AUTHORIZED RESELLER
Discover Officially Authorized Authentic Items at STORE7994.com - Certificates Available on Request!
Independently verified for store quality and customer safety.
Trust score: 91/100
All designer items offered by STORE 7994 are sourced from trusted luxury distributors and verified through independent authentication services.
Learn how STORE 7994 authenticates luxury items
Guaranteed Authentic — Includes Brand Documentation & Third-Party Verification Options.
Shipping information
- Free Shipping* on all orders over $300 USD to most countries* Estimated delivery: 2-5 business days Mon-Sat to U.S., CA, EU etc.
- Tracking available: DHL Express
- Store 7994 Shipping policy
- Global delivery in 3–9 business days (location dependent).
- Free Worldwide Shipping $300+. International duties & VAT are calculated by destination country and may be collected upon delivery. UK orders are subject to 20% import VAT upon delivery.
Our innovation isn’t just in the brands we carry — it’s in the way we connect them. From our automation engine that keeps collections globally updated to our commitment to authenticity-first presentation, STORE 7994 exists where timeless design meets modern precision.
Every product we offer is:
Elevated · Intentional · Exclusive · Authentic
STORE 7994 is an authorized reseller of luxury fashion houses. Certificates and proof of authenticity are available to brand owners and partners upon request.
Returns & Refunds
We want you to shop with confidence at STORE 7994. If your purchase does not meet expectations, eligible items may be returned under the conditions below.
Return Eligibility
Items must be unused, unworn, and in original condition with all tags, packaging, and accessories included. Items showing any signs of wear or damage will not be accepted.
Return Window
Return requests must be made within 14 days of delivery.
Return Shipping
Customers are responsible for return shipping costs unless the item is defective, damaged, or incorrect.
Luxury Items
Items valued over $1,000 may be subject to a 7% restocking fee upon approved return.
Non-Returnable Items
For hygiene and product integrity reasons, the following items are final sale once opened or used:
• Underwear
• Fragrances
• Any worn or used items
Made-to-Order Items
Custom-designed products, including STORE 7994 hoodies, are made exclusively for each customer and are final sale. These items are not eligible for return or exchange unless defective or incorrect.
If you receive a defective or incorrect item, please contact us and we will make it right.
International Shipping & Duties
Many of our products ship directly from trusted international partners. Any applicable customs duties or import taxes are calculated at checkout and are non-refundable, even if the item is returned.
Returns & Associated Fees
All approved returns are subject to a $24 return processing fee. For international orders, duties, taxes, and return fees will be deducted from the original payment.
Shipping Policy
Complimentary shipping is offered on orders over $300. Orders below this threshold are subject to standard shipping rates at checkout.
