Hard to Get: Twenty-Something Women and the Paradox of Sexual Freedom - Hardcover

by Leslie Bell (Author), Carl Bell (Other)

Hard to Get is a powerful and intimate examination of the sex and love lives of the most liberated women in history--twenty-something American women who have had more opportunities, more positive role models, and more information than any previous generation. Drawing from her years of experience as a researcher and a psychotherapist, Leslie C. Bell takes us directly into the lives of young women who struggle to negotiate the complexities of sexual desire and pleasure, and to make sense of their historically unique but contradictory constellation of opportunities and challenges. In candid interviews, Bell's subjects reveal that, despite having more choices than ever, they face great uncertainty about desire, sexuality, and relationships. Ground-breaking and highly readable, Hard to Get offers fascinating insights into the many ways that sex, love, and satisfying relationships prove surprisingly elusive to these young women as they navigate the new emotional landscape of the 21st century.

Front Jacket

In this moving book, Leslie Bell gives us insight into the hearts and minds of 20-something women confronted with the emotional challenges of a culture that says they can have it all. Through poignant, rich individual narratives, Bell shows how professionally successful and sexually experienced young women wrestle with feelings of vulnerability and confusion about relationships and desire. 20-somethings will find relief and self-understanding through reading this book, and it will be of great help to those who treat and those who wish to understand them.--Nancy J. Chodorow, author of Individualizing Gender and Sexuality: Theory and Practice

Women should be assertive but not aggressive, feminine but not passive, honest but not overwhelming. But how? Especially for women between ages 17 (the average age for first sex) and 27 (the average age of marriage) the rules for how to be a woman are highly unclear. In this deeply wise, very lucid, and highly illuminating book Bell, a sociologist and psychotherapist, describes how women sometimes "split" their desires for connection, sex and professional success. And she points to ways of moving beyond the split. An important book for women - and men.--Arlie Hochschild, Author of The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times

"Leslie Bell introduces us to a new developmental period for 20 something women in which they are focused on sexual and relationship satisfaction. By sharing these women's stories Bell helps us to explore complex issues of ambivalence, subjectivity, and identity that are at the core of personal, relational and sexual fulfillment."--C.J. Pascoe, author of Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School

"While popular portrayals of women and sex are glossy, voyeuristic, simplified, unemotional, or trite, Hard to Get offers rarely heard detailed stories that are told with emotional resonance and connection to women's full lives and selves. Bell has made a superb contribution to our understanding about how women navigate sexuality in young adulthood in an era when they no longer must be married, and thus she has enlightened our understanding of women's social, sexual, and psychological lives."--Karin A. Martin, author of Puberty, Sexuality, and the Self: Boys and Girls at Adolescence

Hard to Get shows us why, in the 21st Century, sex is easy but relationships are not. Every 20something woman who is having sex, but feels that something is amiss, should read this book.--Meg Jay, Ph.D., author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

Can today's young women be independent and sexually agentic while also satisfying their relational needs for intimacy? Bell believes that they can, and insightfully uses women's stories to reveal the inner and outer barriers to having it all.--Paula England, New York University



"Bell offers a profoundly original and important argument about why - despite gains in education and employment -- young women in America continue to be short-changed in sex and intimacy. And she gives us a new, compelling vision of what it would mean for them to attain true sexual liberation."--Amy Schalet, author of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex

"Female sexuality provides endless fascination; but how do actual young women find happiness in sex and love? Leslie Bell gives us an up-close look at twenty-something women at a cultural moment when they have more freedom than ever before, but their desires - sexual and relational - continue to confound. Bell navigates this complex terrain with compassion, keen insight, and an eye to social change."--Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life

Back Jacket

In this moving book, Leslie Bell gives us insight into the hearts and minds of 20-something women confronted with the emotional challenges of a culture that says they can have it all. Through poignant, rich individual narratives, Bell shows how professionally successful and sexually experienced young women wrestle with feelings of vulnerability and confusion about relationships and desire. 20-somethings will find relief and self-understanding through reading this book, and it will be of great help to those who treat and those who wish to understand them.--Nancy J. Chodorow, author of Individualizing Gender and Sexuality: Theory and Practice

"Women should be assertive but not aggressive, feminine but not passive, honest but not overwhelming. But how? Especially for women between ages 17 (the average age for first sex) and 27 (the average age of marriage) the rules for how to be a woman are highly unclear. In this deeply wise, very lucid, and highly illuminating book Bell, a sociologist and psychotherapist, describes how women sometimes "split" their desires for connection, sex and professional success. And she points to ways of moving beyond the split. An important book for women - and men."--Arlie Hochschild, Author of The Outsourced Self: Intimate Life in Market Times

"Leslie Bell introduces us to a new developmental period for 20 something women in which they are focused on sexual and relationship satisfaction. By sharing these women's stories Bell helps us to explore complex issues of ambivalence, subjectivity, and identity that are at the core of personal, relational and sexual fulfillment."--C.J. Pascoe, author of Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School

"While popular portrayals of women and sex are glossy, voyeuristic, simplified, unemotional, or trite, Hard to Get offers rarely heard detailed stories that are told with emotional resonance and connection to women's full lives and selves. Bell has made a superb contribution to our understanding about how women navigate sexuality in young adulthood in an era when they no longer must be married, and thus she has enlightened our understanding of women's social, sexual, and psychological lives."--Karin A. Martin, author of Puberty, Sexuality, and the Self: Boys and Girls at Adolescence

"Hard to Get shows us why, in the 21st Century, sex is easy but relationships are not. Every 20something woman who is having sex, but feels that something is amiss, should read this book."--Meg Jay, Ph.D., author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

"Can today's young women be independent and sexually agentic while also satisfying their relational needs for intimacy? Bell believes that they can, and insightfully uses women's stories to reveal the inner and outer barriers to having it all."--Paula England, New York University



"Bell offers a profoundly original and important argument about why - despite gains in education and employment -- young women in America continue to be short-changed in sex and intimacy. And she gives us a new, compelling vision of what it would mean for them to attain true sexual liberation."--Amy Schalet, author of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex

"Female sexuality provides endless fascination; but how do actual young women find happiness in sex and love? Leslie Bell gives us an up-close look at twenty-something women at a cultural moment when they have more freedom than ever before, but their desires - sexual and relational - continue to confound. Bell navigates this complex terrain with compassion, keen insight, and an eye to social change."--Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life

Author Biography

Leslie C. Bell is a sociologist and psychotherapist who specializes in women's development and sexuality. She maintains a private practice in Berkeley, California.