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by Kilgore Trout (Author)
If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a woman's heart is through words - words that feed the imagination, fuel passion, and make her laugh. However, if you're not interested in her heart, words also come in handy when your trying to convince a woman to meet you for a cup of coffee and then go back to your place or a nearby hotel for a quick ... adventure. This book is a collection of words that I have successfully employed in my ongoing efforts to meet new women and have sex with them. As a result, my life has been just a little more fun that average bloke's and perhaps just a little less lonely. I'm sharing these words with you in the hope that they will make your life a little more fun too. Of course, there's no guarantee, despite what the cover of this book says. These words are merely a tool to open the door, to start the conversation. The ads in this book will inspire unique, funny, free-spirited women to respond to your personal ads and dating profiles. That is a guarantee. What happens from that point depends entirely on a completely different set of words. And actions. My advice: Don't be a jerk. Take your time. Take her hand and walk down the path. Celebrate who she is. Have fun. Experiment Hmmm. Perhaps, there's another book in my future. In the meantime, good luck. Be funny. Be honest. Be kind.
Author Biography
Kilgore Trout is not a real person. He is a character created by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. who appears in a whole bunch of famous novels and stories. In those stories, Kilgore Trout is usually a frustrated science fiction writer who sells stories to pulp magazines. Editors at these sordid publications would gladly purchase these stories to fill the blank spaces between pictures of naked people. As you might imagine, most of Kilgore Trout's writing was not even read. In fact, the most attention these stories ever got was at cocktail parties where Kilgore Trout would quickly summarize his far-fetched science fiction plot-lines in an effort to make people laugh or convince pretty girls to go home with him. He was a lonely man. Most girls at cocktail parties do not find science fiction a turn-on. Over the years, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. has explained that Kilgore Trout was a fictitious character base on his close friend, Theodore Sturgeon. Theodore Sturgeon was a very real person who wrote science fiction stories to fill the blank spaces between naked pictures in girlie magazines. It's not clear, however, how effective he was at picking up chicks at intimate gatherings for social drinking. In case you were wondering, Kilgore Trout, Jr. is not a real person either. He also is not related to Kilgore Trout or Theodore Sturgeon in any way. Now, I have to be very clear on this point because I do not want Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. or anyone representing Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. and his interests to sue me. So far, stories penned by the make-believe Kilgore Trout, Jr. have generated a total of $5.74 cents, and I need every penny of that for bus fare. So, let me say this again. The "Jr." in Kilgore Trout, Jr.'s name does not represent or allude to any genetic, familial heritage, or philosophical connection to Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.'s similarly named creation. Instead, this moniker is a direct reference to stature. When it comes right down to it, Kilgore Trout, Jr. does not measure up to the real, made-up Kilgore Trout. In fact, he falls significantly short in talent, notoriety and his ability to convince pretty girls to go home with him from parties of any sort. I'm also pretty sure Kilgore Trout made significantly more money for Mr. Vonnegut, Jr. With that in mind, I hope you enjoy the writings of Kilgore Trout, Jr., my pen-name for stories that I am too embarrassed to attach my real name to. Thank you. And welcome to the monkey house.
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